HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS.

THIS SHOW IS AWESOME.

Commentary 6.01 & 6.02 “LA X” – Have You Ever Had Deja-Vu?
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I have not yet exhausted my urge to bake, so today I whipped up a batch of what I call Kiss Cookies. The recipe calls them Peanut Blossoms. My name is less boring

Kiss Cookies

Ingredients:
1/2 cup shortening*
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 egg
2 Tbsp milk
1 tsp vanilla**
1 3/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Hershey’s Kisses

* I used butter, which both my grandma and my Google-Fu told me I could substitute on a one-to-one basis. But you can use Crisco if you want
** Again, I was very generous with the vanilla. In my cookies, it was probably actually closer to a teaspoon and a half.

Method:
01) Cream together the shortening/butter (whichever you use) and the peanut butter.

02) Add in the white and brown sugars and cream well.

03) Add the egg, the milk, and the vanilla and blend well.

04) Sift together (or, if you’re lazy like me and can’t be arsed to find a sifter, just stir together) the flour, baking soda, and salt. Add dry ingredients gradually to the dough.

05) Roll dough into balls (the size will depend on how much cookie you want surrounding your kisses; I started out kind of small and then started making the balls bigger, close to golf ball size – I prefer the bigger ones). Roll the balls in sugar and place on cookie sheet.

06) Bake at 375 F for approximately 8 minutes. When the cookies have started to crack but are not starting to brown yet, take them out and place one chocolate kiss in the center, pressing down firmly. Return cookies to oven and bake for an additional 2-5 minutes, until golden brown.

NOTE: You should unwrap the kisses before you need to put them on the cookies, because you don’t want to take too long to do it before putting them back in the oven. I did it during the first 8 minutes the cookies were in the oven. Also, if you’re using stoneware cookie sheets that take extra time the first time around (like I do), it’s helpful to let them preheat with the oven so the time isn’t as screwy. I just made the dough balls and rolled them in sugar while the cookie sheets were getting hot and put them on a plate until I was ready to put them on the sheets.

YIELD: There isn’t an estimated yield in the recipe I used (it’s from an old Fireman’s Auxillary cookbook from the town my grandparents grew up in, not an “official” cookbook). I got about two and a half dozen, but if I hadn’t made the first half-dozen or so as small as I did (which was imho too small), it would have been lower. Probably more like two dozen, give or take.

Christmas always puts me in a baking mood; specifically, a cookie baking mood. For these cookies, I started out with the recipe you’ll find on the back of packages of Andes Creme de Menthe Baking Chips, and then made a few modifications, which I’ve specified. I’m really happy with the results – they are quite yummy.

Chocolate Mint Chip Cookies

Ingredients:
1/2 cup salted butter (softened)
3/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp vanilla extract*
3 eggs**
1 pkg Andes Creme de Menthe baking chips
2 1/4 cups flour***
1/2 cup cocoa powder (not dutch process)***

* I am very generous with my definition of “one teaspoon” when it comes to vanilla extract in my cookies. I generally pour directly over the bowl and allow it to overflow noticably with each spoon, lol. But obviously that’s a taste thing.
** The original recipe (which is on the back of the Andes Creme de Menthe Baking Chips package, incidentally) calls for 2 eggs. I made it that way the first time and they were fine. This time I added the extra egg to make the cookies slightly more cakey, and I’m really pleased with the result. But your milage may vary.
*** The original recipe is not for chocolate cookies but rather regular ones. It calls for simply 2 2/3 cups flour. I thought it was silly to make mint cookies and not make them chocolate, so I did a little research to gauge flour-to-cocoa ratios in chocolate chocolate chip cookies and decided to slightly lower the amount of flour and add in the half cup of cocoa. I think it turns out lovely, but if you don’t want the cookies to be chocolate cookies, stick with the original 2 2/3 cups of flour and don’t add cocoa powder!

Method:
1) Blend butter, sugars, baking soda, baking powder, vanilla, and eggs until mixed. Stir in Andes baking chips.

2) In separate bowl, mix flour and cocoa. If you’re not using the cocoa, it’s still helpful to measure out your flour in a separate bowl, because it’s easier to mix it in if you’re adding a little at a time.

3) Stir in flour. Because the recipe doesn’t call for much butter, the dough is pretty thick. I was using a big spoon from our regular silverware set, but it started to feel like I might bend it if I kept stirring, so I switched to a wooden spoon after adding about half the flour/cocoa mixture.

4) Chill the dough for a while in the fridge. The recipe says “approximately one hour,” I think I waited half and hour or forty-five minutes.

5) The recipe says to raise the oven rack one level above middle – I didn’t do that. They turned out fine. But in the interest of full disclosure, that’s what the recipe says to do.

6) The recipe says “measure out approximately 1 oz. of dough.” I don’t know about you, but I have no idea what an ounce of cookie dough looks like. Eyeball out an average-sized ball of dough – bigger than a gumball, smaller than a golf ball… if you bake at all, you’ll know the drill, lol. If you don’t, ummmm… maybe an inch/inch and a half in diameter? Ish? It’s not scientific. Flatten the ball slightly and put it on your baking sheet. Non-stick would be infinitely helpful with these cookies.

7) Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for, according to the recipe, 8-10 minutes. Now, I use Pampered Chef stoneware baking sheets, and those take a lot longer the first time (we’re talking 20-25 minutes). And then even after the first time, I still left the cookies in for more like 15 minutes. YMMV, do what feels right to you.

NOTE: Be sure to put the dough back in the fridge when you’re not actively putting dough on cookie sheets. It gets soft and sticky pretty quickly, and if you don’t keep putting it back in the fridge you’ll end up with more on your hands and fingertips than on the cookie sheet.

YIELD: I got four dozen cookies exactly plus enough dough for one or two more that I just ate because I didn’t want to put a whole cookie sheet in for one or two cookies. This was spot-on their prediction, which also approximated four dozen cookies. And that was with a couple dough-thieves sneaking their fingers in the bowl at least once or twice each, lol.

Okay, so almost a week ago, I left work an hour and a half early and set off for Austin, where an evening of pure awesomosity and win awaited me.

I arrived in Austin about 45 minutes before soundcheck was set to start. The parking lot I found was just around the corner from the alley where the tour bus was parked – basically behind and then a short block over from the venue. It was a tad pricey since I had to pay both the day rate and the night rate added together, but it was close and that was important to me since I was alone. I think this will be my new rule of thumb for shows at small venues in the middle of a city – if at all possible, park within sight of the tour bus. Heh.

Anyway, as soon as I got to the front of the venue (The Parish), I saw someone I recognized from the show I went to in Dallas in August. It’s a husband and wife that go to a gabillion Switchfoot shows any time they swing through Texas/Oklahoma/Louisiana/etc (they live in Houston), and they’re in Friends of the Foot. So Kathy and I had spent a lot of time talking with them before the show in Dallas and then had ended up standing with them during the show. Anyway, Kevin recognized me as well and said “hey, what are you doing here?” to which I responded “what do you think?” Heee. And he of course said “oh, probably the same thing I am.” So at that point I just got in line with them and stuck with them for the most part whenever there was waiting in line involved.

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Today, despite knowing that it was probably a fool’s errand, upon finding out that someone had hidden a copy of Switchfoot’s upcoming single “Mess of Me” in a book in San Antonio’s Central Library (about 30 minutes away from my house), I drove there to check for it. Just, you know, in case. I also figured I could make the trip not a wasted trip by finally getting myself a library card – which I haven’t had in years if you don’t count the fact that my student ID in college was essentially a library card for the university library system.

Anyway, the CD was hidden in a copy of The Dialogues of Plato. So when I got to the library, I went up to the help desk and asked where I could find it – this library is huge, so even knowing where in the Dewey Decimal system the book is wouldn’t help me find it (at least not in a timely manner). I asked the older gentleman behind the desk where I could find the book, and he said “You’re the second person to ask for that book in the last hour.”

I said something along the lines of “darn it, it’ll be gone!” and he asked if it was for a class. I explained about the CD being hidden in the book and he was like “oh, so you’re not here to check out and read Plato’s Dialogues, then.” I said no, and he said I didn’t “look like someone who was into philosophy.”

At which point I reached into my purse, pulled out my copy of Works of Love by Kierkegaard and said “Actually, I’m reading this right now, and the other book in my bag is essays by CS Lewis.”

PWNED.

Then when I got home – new library card in hand (okay, wallet) – I checked my email and discovered that they’ve uploaded the song to the Friends of the Foot website for all the FotF members to download. So I have it anyway! I want to burn some copies myself and hide them around SA – which is what you’re supposed to do if you find one of the copies they’re having hidden all around the world (and then announcing on Twitter), but I’m not sure if the CDs they’re hiding/having hidden just have “Mess of Me” on them or if there’s a b-side that would then be missing from my CDs. Heh.

In other news, the CD player in my car has been out of commission for about a month now, much to my dismay. However, this does mean that I’m listening to the radio again, because I can’t drive without music going. I tend to flip between about nine different stations depending on what’s playing/who’s running commercials. One of the stations in my presets is K-LOVE, a national Christian rock station.

Since I’ve been listening to them more than usual, my discovery of new/new-to-me Christian rock songs has accelerated. Here’s some that are currently PWNING MY SOUL:

• Chris Tomlin – I Will Rise [video/lyrics]
• Chris Tomlin – Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) [video/lyrics]
• Jeremy Camp – There Will Be A Day [video/lyrics]
• Brandon Heath – Wait and See [video/lyrics]

Every single one of those had me wiping tears from my eyes the first time I heard them (whilst driving, mind you) and still do now. Actually, I almost had to pull over the first time I heard “Wait and See” because HELLO, MY LIFE. I mean, not the “born in TN, lucky to be alive, wasn’t good in school” part, but if there was anything I needed to hear/be reminded of these days, it’s the chorus to that song – “There is hope for me yet / Because God won’t forget / All the plans He’s made for me / I have to wait and see / He’s not finished with me yet.” I mean, SERIOUSLY. And then the first Chris Tomlin song and the Jeremy Camp song both are about there being no more pain/tears/unhappiness/etc and that always makes me cry. Go figure. And that version of Amazing Grace is BEAUTIFUL.

And now it’s almost my bedtime so I better wrap this up. Check those songs out, you won’t regret it.

ALSO: IF YOU’RE NOT WATCHING GLEE ON FOX, YOU SHOULD BE. TRUST ME. YOU’LL THANK ME LATER.

In my continuing efforts to become one of the nerdiest people on the planet, I recently purchased a copy of Søren Kierkegaard’s Works of Love from Barnes & Noble and have been reading it mostly during breaks at work and my solitary dinners at home when I manage to eat at the table instead of in front of my computer/television. I decided to attempt to tackle Kierkegaard because my favorite band, Switchfoot, has a song called “Sooner or Later (Søren’s Song),” which is inspired by Kierkegaard’s philosophy. You can see the lyrics here, just scroll down a little.

Anyway, the section I’ve been reading in the last couple days is called “You Shall Love” and starts with the whole “you shall love your neighbor as yourself” commandment and builds from there.  The point as I understand it, which admittedly on one reading is probably not complete (heh), is that in becoming a duty (you shall love), love becomes truly free from restraint and truly eternal.

He writes:

But the love which has undergone the transformation of the eternal by becoming duty and which loves because it shall love-this love is independent; it has the law of its existence in the relationship of love itself to the eternal. This love can never become dependent in a false sense, for the only thing it is dependent upon is duty, and duty alone makes for genuine freedom.

[...]

In this way the “You shall” makes love free in blessed independence; such a love stands and does not fall with variations in the object of love; it stands and falls with eternity’s law, but therefore it never falls. Such a love is not dependent on this or on that. It is dependent on the one thing-that alone which makes for freedom-and therefore it is eternally independent.

It’s an interesting way to look at love, and an illuminating one. In the same chapter Kierkegaard also talks about how love that doesn’t come from that place of duty is changeable and therefore not free – there is always the worry that it won’t last hanging overhead. He speaks specifically about romantic love, and how if the two people don’t love each other from that place of duty, they feel the need to test their love because they fear it won’t last – and indeed, if they don’t feel a duty to love each other, it won’t last.

It reminded me of something I heard often when I was younger. My parents were involved in the Catholic marriage preparation/marriage enrichment programs Engaged Encounter and Marriage Encounter. The programs involve weekend retreats for couples, and the main room where the large group sessions are held is always decorated with banners that carry slogans on them. One of the slogans that imprinted most strongly on me, even as a child, was “love is a decision.”

Love – real love – isn’t something that just happens. It’s something you work at, something to choose to do, because that’s what we’re supposed to do as children of God. Love each other as we love ourselves.

So, aside from a quick trip up to Dallas with my sister to see Switchfoot in concert (and meet them, which was awesome, because I got to thank them for their role in my battle with depression), this is basically the only blog-worthy thing I’ve been up to lately. Still, if I’m gonna have one of these things, I really ought to try to update more.

Those of you who have known me for some time will probably not be surprised, but those of you who have only recently become acquainted with me… well, it’s time you knew the truth.

I am very serious about television.

I’m an active viewer – I’ll yell at the tv, get emotional with the slightest provocation, and rant and/or rave on the internet as appropriate. I’ll critique everything from the acting to the writing to the cinematography, and I’ll sound – if I do say so myself – pretty damn intelligent while doing so. Television is a hobby for me in the same way that building model airplanes is for my father, or that knitting is for my friend Jan.

It is, in short, Very Srs Bzns.  [Use of macro-speak intended to inject some degree of sarcasm. But not too much. Heh.]

As such, tonight I spent a few hours – yes, hours – surveying the major networks’ fall schedules. I decided which shows from last year I’m keeping, which I’m dropping. I selected a few shows I won’t actually watch religiously, but rather as a normal person might – when I catch them, when the synopsis looks particularly intriguing, etc. And I perused the new offerings and selected the ones I’d like to give a try this year.

And then I put it all together in an excel spreadsheet. Which is color-coded. With two worksheets – one for the schedule grid and one for a list of premiere dates.

Yes, I am that nerdy awesome.

If you’re curious, here’s my schedule: On Google Docs

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I’m something of a pack rat, and the last time I did a major overhaul of my room was a number of years ago, prior to going off to college.  I’ve now been out of college for three and half years, so I was definetely overdue for some tossing out of stuff I don’t need anymore.

I also suffer from a lack of decent storage space, and thus often end up with random stacks of stuff I use often which I can’t put away anywhere, since all the storage space I have was filled with the things I don’t ever use or look at.  Slogging through the disorganized mess of current stuff, getting to the older stuff and sorting it out, and putting everything back together again in a more organized/useful sort of way was a daunting task.  I could never seem to come up with the energy to tackle it.

But now things are different – thank you Welbutrin – and last week I visited Target (I love Target) and bought some Rubbermaid bins to give me somewhere to start on the organizational front. Then this weekend I dug in.  Yesterday, I managed to get six and half bags worth of papers, clothes, empty bags/boxes, and all sorts of other miscellaneous stuff out of the room, plus about a trash bag’s worth of clothes I’ll be donating to Goodwill.  Doing that also gave me a better idea of what sort of storage solutions I’d be needing than I could get before I’d tossed out all the superfluous junk.

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(Yes, I meant to start blogging a long time ago. No, I haven’t done it. Yes, I suffer from debilitating writer’s block. Mea culpa!)

Today is my twenty-fifth birthday. As a present from myself, I went to Platinum Tattoos here in San Antonio (their 410 @ Evers location, for the curious) and got my first tattoo.

I’ve been thinking about getting one for some time, though I honestly thought I’d be getting a different one first. I couldn’t decide how I wanted it to look or where I wanted to put it, and in the meantime something happened in my life – I changed something in my life – and it gave me an idea for one I wanted to do even more.

And this is my new tattoo:

Okay, I promise it’s not nearly as cheesy as it seems on first glance.

Most of you won’t know this, but I’ve been suffering from clinical depression for some time now – years, in fact. I was never suicidal, but I never could quite seem to grasp how good I had it. Intellectually, I could say “oh, I’ve got a job, I’ve got friends, I’ve got hobbies I enjoy, life should be good.” But I didn’t feel it. Additionally, I tended towards inertia and apathy that is otherwise uncharacteristic for me – I’d have to convince myself to go out with my friends even though I would always have fun and enjoy myself once I was out. I have been in something of a holding pattern professionally since graduating from university and despite not being particularly content with it, I could never seem to drum up the energy to do something to change it – or even the courage to risk failure in the attempt.

Depression isn’t something you can just shake off. It’s chemicals in your brain not performing how they’re supposed to perform. My faith was instrumental in keeping me from crossing the line into suicidal, but anyone who thinks Christians/Catholics shouldn’t be or can’t be depressed is wrong, I assure you. Still, there’s a stigma associated with depression that kept me from seeking help.

Then my favorite band, Switchfoot, became involved with an organization called To Write Love on Her Arms.  TWLOHA’s mission is to raise awareness of depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide and to provide a resource for those in need of help. Whilst they don’t offer professional help themselves, they have a comprehensive list of links and numbers to call and, more importantly, work to fight the stigma and encourage those in need to seek help without shame. It was a combination of my own desire to not be depressed anymore and the encouragement provided by TWLOHA that finally had me talking to my doctor about getting on anti-depressants.

We found the right one for me a couple weeks ago, and it’s been like a miracle. Am I happy with everything about my life? No, of course not. But I have a generalised sense of well-being that I lacked before which gives me a base to stand on whilst going about the business of changing that which dissatisfies me about my life.

This was the first birthday in recent memory that I spent entirely happy, feeling entirely good about myself and my day.

So, since To Write Love on Her Arms played an instrumental role in my getting on the road to recovery, that’s exactly what I did.

I wrote love on my arm, in one of my favorite fonts (Garamond Bold). So I’ll never forget to love myself ever again.

If you or someone you know are suffering from depression, addiction, or self-injury, please please do not be afraid to seek help. Do not feel ashamed to do so. There’s light out there for all of us, and we shouldn’t ever feel ashamed if we need help to see it. Check out To Write Love on Her Arms for more information or to share your story.

Okay, I think things are about as organized as they’re going to get.  I’m very much still learning what one can do with WordPress, but I can learn as I go.

Soooooo… here I go!